EVOLVE BLOG
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Future You Has the Answer You're Refusing to Hear
You have handled everything that came at you. That is not an exaggeration. You built the business. You held it together when things went sideways. You showed up when no one else was going to, even when it was inconvenient, even when you were exhausted, even when you had given more of yourself than you had to give.
And that identity, the woman who handles all the things, feels good. It is earned. It makes you feel important and worthy and accomplished, and understandably so.
But now, that handle-all-the-things identity is exactly what is making this phase harder. The same strategy that has kept everything going and built everything you have has also been borrowing from the future you. And you are starting to feel the physical and mental lack of reserves.
Today I am going to show you how I help my clients and myself stop borrowing against our future capacity and support ourselves right now, even with the hormonal shift of menopause, so we do not have to steal from what we will need in the future.
The Get It Done Identity
The get-it-done identity is not arrogance. It is a functional adaptation built over decades of proving in real time that you could manage more volume and recover faster than most people around you. And it worked. That is the point.
You have evidence all around you that pushing through, even when you were exhausted, even when you knew you were giving more of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, even spiritually than you should, would eventually pay off. The evidence is your business, your track record, your reputation, and the fact that everything and everyone around you kept going because of your involvement, even if you had to sacrifice yourself in the process.
You gave up sleep. You gave up proper nutrition and time with people you loved. You absolutely gave up your "me time." But you justified it 18 different ways that it was the right thing to do, and you kept going.
What I have found is that many successful women do not even know when they are overgiving of themselves. It is just what they do. And for those of us growing up in the 70s, we did not know what self-care was. You just sucked it up and got sh*t done. Period. Putting your needs first was not even a thing then. It was not a thing.
That pattern of getting sh*t done was a source of pride. It was something many high-achieving women celebrate about themselves. Something many of us leaned into. And while we were doing it, it was not always obvious what we were giving up, because it was not directly impacting us negatively in that moment. It was also nothing that some caffeine, a chocolate, or a glass of wine could not fix.
But now it is getting harder to keep it together, especially when hormones start to shift. Suddenly it matters enormously, because our needs have changed, our resources are low, and we do not know how to adjust. And the identity as the strong one, the one who handled all the things, the reliable one, stops us from learning how to recognize when all the things that got us here need to change in order to support us in this next level.
So we double down. We work harder. We give more of ourselves. Because deep down, we know we are the common denominator. So we must be the problem, right?
As I continue to work with more and more women in this phase, I get to see the pattern of self-blame over and over. Because if you are the woman who is used to handling everything, then the answer to every problem is more you. And when that does not work, the next obvious step is to blame yourself for not being enough.
Push-through worked in your 30s and maybe some of your 40s. It worked when the answer really was more effort. But now that you are in the Matriarch Phase, that strategy backfires. And the identity of being the strong one is the very thing making your efforts less effective, because it is draining you more.
How This Shows Up: Mary's Story
Let me give you an example of how this identity manifests and turns against you, even with women who think they are doing enough self-care.
One of my clients, Mary, is a badass. She is 47. She has her own multi-6-figure coaching business, and she is in a partnership for a multi-7-figure coaching business. She manages the sales team for that coaching company, does training and coaching for their elite clients, and she also has a toddler. She always seems to have everything under control and is the grounding support for her clients, her teammates, her employees, her spouse, and her child.
She meditates. She eats healthy. She takes time for herself during the day to decompress. She and her spouse take vacations. So she thought she was good to go. But she gets sick every single time there is a sales launch, which is several times a year.
At first it seemed like a coincidence. Then the team realized it was a pattern, and it even became a joke on the sales team. "Oh, we are having another launch. I guess Mary is going to get sick." Once she did get sick, it took her longer each time to fully recover. A cough that used to clear in just a few days would now hang on for weeks.
So I did an audit with her. I assessed everything going on for her physiologically, personally, and professionally, and I created a Richly Resourced Strategic Audit report for her. I discovered that even though her diet looked healthy on the surface, it was not optimal to support her specifically. I also discovered that she was working against her natural flow in the way she was blocking and booking her calendar. And based on some of her health history, there were several things in her environment that were working against her inherent weak points. Though she was getting everything done, she was using more effort, more time, and more resources overall than she really needed to. So when the launch events rolled around, she was out of reserves, making her vulnerable to getting sick.
We made adjustments to her diet. Nothing dramatic, but specific tweaks that helped her stabilize her body and allow her immune system to build its strength back up so it could do its job of defending her and helping her heal. We also changed how she scheduled her day and what she did leading up to each launch so she felt more resourced going into the event as well as after. She added a specific process that would support her lungs and detox pathways so she could eliminate pathogens, chemicals, and hormones her body did not need. We built up her gut health. And maybe most importantly, we altered her relationship around her push-through identity so that it would better serve her moving forward.
She also worked with me and Kismet. Kismet is the custom AI agent I create for each of my clients, and I created one for her. She had conversations with Kismet on a regular basis to update her symptoms and experiences and to discuss hidden blocks based on her unique history, her backstory, her health, her childhood, and her Human Design profile. She was fascinated by what she was learning. Her spouse even reached out to me to tell me how much easier everyone's life was in the household since Kismet came to town. That is one of my favorite testimonials ever, because when I see how a shift in a client is affecting their everyday people, their families, their team members, I get so excited. You see the ripple effect. And isn't that the whole point? We do not just shift our own lives, we have impact on everyone else's.
I just heard from Mary this morning. She completed a launch that brought in more than $600,000 in three days, with more still coming in. And she did not get sick, not even a sniffle. Even more interesting, her toddler was sick the whole time. She pulled off all of the things, and she did not get sick.
How the Body Borrows Against the Future You
When you are used to pushing through no matter what, you become oblivious a lot of the time to the signs your body is giving that it needs more support, or a different kind of support. And when your identity becomes tied to that push-through, do-it-at-all-cost mentality, your body has to find different ways to get your attention. So it comes at you with symptoms to let you know something is not right.
Over time, the body runs out of resources to support the push-through approach. And then suddenly (though it is never sudden; it is never sudden, but "suddenly" is what my clients all say when they first come to me), you get hit with an experience, a symptom, or something you cannot ignore.
Every time you ignore a symptom, or do not even recognize it is there, the body has to borrow from your reserves. When those reserves are depleted, it borrows against future reserves.
Just like taking money out of a savings account to pay for an extra expense, but then never putting the money back in, and continuing to borrow against it for the next expense and the next. Eventually, when the savings are completely gone, if you are not making enough money for your basic expenses, you have to take out a loan to pay the regular bills. At some point, that loan is going to have to be paid back. And if you do not have the money, you are going to have to give up some collateral, like your car or your house.
The body is the same way. If you keep borrowing against your reserves, eventually you are going to have to borrow against your future health. And that looks like brittle bones, heart disease, joint pain, and memory loss. It impacts more than your body. It impacts your ability to lead effectively, keep up with the needs of your clients, and stay relevant in this ever-changing business landscape. All of those things can be prevented if you stay fully resourced in this now moment and stop borrowing against your future self.
What Underfunded Reserves Look Like in Your Business
An underfunded reserve account does not announce itself. It shows up in things like your decisions, your ability to recover quickly, and the excitement that fuels your work.
Decisions that used to be quick get dragged out or pushed off, because your cognitive system has to work harder to reach the same clarity. Processing is slower. Confidence is lower. Your bounceback time is much longer. A hard week followed by a strong Monday has become a hard week followed by a hard week. And even if you are keeping your performance up, it just takes more out of you.
Over time, this extra pushing kicks off more of a fear response, a fight-or-flight response in your system, which impacts cortisol levels, memory, weight, and anxiety. Toss in a drop in hormones in perimenopause or menopause, and it is the perfect storm of chaos running underneath the surface.
What is even more fun is when the I-can-handle-it identity takes over, it can also stop you from asking for help. Women who are the go-to for supporting everyone else often do not know how to ask for help. Even when they are desperate for it, they do not even know how to receive it. And they do not know who to go to to get the support they really need.
I get that. It is why I created the Richly Resourced Program the way I did. It is to help the women who fall into this identity trap and need strong support that lets them continue to do what they do, with the adjustments and tweaks they need specifically to replenish themselves and their businesses.
Because look, you did not fall into this resource debt because you are weak. It is the exact opposite. You ended up here because you are strong in a specific and highly effective way. You borrowed against future reserves because the return on borrowing helped you to build and get things done. That investment paid off. And now that someday is here, and that borrowed resource is due.
The "Balance Sheet" Moment
This is the perfect balance sheet moment. Let's pull it apart strategically with a couple of questions.
1️⃣ Where are you overpaying and taking out more for the same or less results?
2️⃣ What reserves need attention immediately?
3️⃣ What areas are close to total depletion?
4️⃣ And how do you get a solid foundation so you stop borrowing against your future self?
Don't answer right now. Just marinate on these questions.
Next I am going to show you an abridged version of a process I use with my clients, and with myself, to access innate wisdom that is often blocked because of old conditioning, false beliefs, and identity. It is simple, but it is incredibly profound.
A Process for Accessing Your Future Self Wisdom
Get settled into your body. Breathe in through your nose. When you reach the top of your breath, hold the breath just for a moment. Then open your mouth and exhale. Release that breath.
Two more times. Breathe in through your nose. At the top of your breath, hold it for a moment. Then open your mouth and release.
One more. In through your nose, hold at the top, and this time when you release, exhale as far as you can go. Then one more little breath out, so you are as exhaled as you can be.
Return to your normal breathing. Keep your eyes closed.
Pick a decision that you have been circling. Something specific. It does not have to be a giant decision. In fact, a little-er decision is fine for this. Maybe it is a pricing change. Maybe it is someone you were thinking of hiring or opening up on your team. An offer you are thinking about retiring, or a new one you want to bring in. A boundary with a client you have not set yet, or one you have set but have not held yet. Something you have been pushing off or trying to figure out that you really do not have resolution on.
Let whatever that is come into the space. Choose whatever shows up first. Don't overthink this one.
Now jump ahead five years to your future self. The five-year-older version of you who has all of the answers, because she has already made the decision you have been thinking about and has all of the things you wanted to come from that decision. She is looking back at the version of you in this moment, and she has all of the confidence of knowing how her decision played out. She knows what happened after she decided. She knows the steps she took to get to where she is. And she also knows exactly why you are stuck in the decision you are stuck in right now. She knows you even better than you do right now, because she is the wiser, more experienced version of you with 20/20 hindsight.
Breathe into her. Allow her to surface. Ask her: "What should I do about this decision?"
Let her speak. Receive her wisdom.
What does she tell you to do?
Typically the answer is light. It is clear for most people doing this. And for most, it is quick. If it is not quick for you, that is fine. But a common thing I hear from women doing this exercise is that when they listen to their future self, when they really allow her to show up, they always benefit by taking quick action on the decision she let them make, or she told them to make.
The present self tends to focus more on the risks associated with taking action. The future self has the ability to see the cost of staying still and not making any decision at all. The future version of you knows all of the things, so you do not have to pretend with her or be anything other than who you already are. All you have to do is be quiet and listen to her. When the answer comes, let it be whatever it is, and then take action on it immediately.
This is an abridged version of a much longer process I use with my clients. As you do it over and over, it starts to get quicker. I use the same strategy every time I need to make a choice, because it is the little choices, not the big ones, that make the real differences. The little choices are the ones that inform the big decisions.
Micro Choices & Love Letters
It is not just who you choose to hire or how to invest your money. The micro choices are the ones that create the foundation and support, the evidence your subconscious is looking for and uses to make the next choice and the next. They are the ones that create your identity, or send you into an identity crisis.
A micro choice is choosing to do one more rep at the gym, because lifting the weight one more time might be the one that is the tipping point that creates the support your bones need, so that if you fall, the bone stays intact.
Every time I make a micro choice, I imagine it as a gift I am giving my future self, who benefits from that micro choice I am making in this now moment. Every single micro choice on its own has no impact overall. But hundreds of those micro choices, all added up, inform our identity of who we are, and that impacts our bigger choices, and they create your life experience and your outcomes.
So every time I pick up a weight at the gym. Every time I make a meal for myself that truly nourishes me. Every time I take a break when I feel like I just have to push through. Every time I support my nervous system instead of pushing through the dysregulation. I am writing a virtual love letter to my 80-year-old self. Because she is the one who is going to receive it in how her body moves, in what she can still do, in what she can still remember, in what she can still enjoy, and the kind of life she gets to have because I chose more leafy greens today. Or better sleep. Or an extra set of squats instead of something easier.
Who Is Making Your Decisions Right Now
Here is what matters. Most of the decisions we make in this phase are not being made from our future self. They are being made from our past self. The version of us that got hurt, who got conditioned into believing things about what we had to do to be loved or safe or seen. The version of us who learned to override her own signals to keep the peace. That version of you is still running a lot of your decisions.
When you choose a glass of wine because it has been a hard day, that is often the past self asking for the wine. When you skip the workout because you stayed up too late the night before, that is often the past self saying "just hit the snooze button." When you push through the exhaustion because you have to prove something, that is often the past self who wants to be seen and loved and heard.
The work of this phase is moving the decision-making authority out of the past and into the future. Letting the woman who is waiting for you to tell you how to behave, what to do, how to act, to write the script moving forward. Choosing behaviors that are love letters to her, not coping mechanisms for the version of you still trying to fill a void.
Because this is not a discipline problem. This is not a work-harder problem. This is a question of who is making the decisions.
The Loan Has Come Due
You did not get here by being the weak one. You got here because you were willing to do the things that most people would not. And that will always be true.
The version of strength needed in the Matriarch Phase is more sophisticated. It is the strength to stop borrowing against our future self. To look at what is going on with clear eyes. To ask the woman five years from now what we should do today, and to believe her when she tells you. To take action. To send love letters forward instead of sending coping mechanisms in circles.
From here forward, the conversation on this podcast is going to shift to what a redesign looks like in real time: the specifics, the structure, the numbers.
The loan you borrowed against your future reserves has come due. It is time to adjust, pay it back, and start supporting your current self and your future self rather than borrowing from her.
Next Steps
If you want to know where your reserves stand right now, that is the work I do with the Richly Resourced Audit. and with Kismet AI.
It looks at your physiology, your nervous system, your business structure, and your energy together, as a complete picture not as separate entities.
Want support growing your aligned business so you remain energized and fully resourced?
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